Comment Wall By Erin On February 27, 2021 In Uncategorized Thank you for your feedback! You can find my storybook here: Ilium in India. Left: Rama crossing the sea. Source.Right: Achilles in battle. Source. Featured Image: Storybook fantasy. Source: Pixabay. comment wall Previous Learning Challenge: Time Management and the Creative Mind Next Storybook Plan 9 Comments Add Comment → Tyler S Okay, wow, Erin, I am already 100% in love with your story. That was incredible!! I love Ancient Greek stories, and the way you have combined a Greek culture with a Hindu one is amazing. I also loved how you expertly explained Charan’s backstory without making it seem like you were just putting in necessary exposition. Any confusion I ever had about something was soon fixed by details you added in later. I cannot wait to read what comes next! I also loved the pictures you chose for the homepage and introduction, they really set the scene (also, the dome on the picture on your homepage made me nostalgic for the Radcliffe Camera…). I honestly cannot think of any improvements to the story itself besides maybe pointing out where Taxila is? I at first thought you made a location up, but the image info says Taxila is in Pakistan, so maybe not? The one other thing I can think of to comment on is a slight grammatical error. In the section “If he worked, though he would lose…”, I think there is a comma missing? Other than that small thing, I loved every word and I am now very impatiently waiting for the next installment. Amazing job!! March 14, 2021 Reply C. L. Hi Erin! I was absolutely captivated by your story. I had never thought that greek mythology and Indian epics could be mixed however you did a really good job of not only mixing the two but explaining what caused the two to mix in the first place. I am very excited to listen to Charan perform their stories in the next parts. I was wondering if there would be a language barrier between the roman and Indian citizens? Though the Indian citizens might have been forced to learn greek when Alexander the Great took over their city. Another thing you did really well was described the setting. Even though I know it’s set in India I could feel the greek influence in the setting. I also really like the way you laid out how Charan wanted to be a storyteller. Overall this seems like it would be a good enough story to actually be published because you have a nice plot laid out, well-developed characters, and a good setting. I am excited to read the rest of the story. March 15, 2021 Reply Jennifer B. Hi Erin! I’m so enamored with your website and blog design. Your home page is so pretty, and I think it’s very good at drawing you in as the first thing people see. Same thing with your blog —they’re both just really well done! As for your story, it’s so well written! I think you did a great job setting up Charan’s character in this introduction. You added just enough detail that your readers were able to put everything else together about him. I can’t wait to read the rest! March 21, 2021 Reply MangoMan Hey Erin! First off, I absolutely love the website layout and structure. The colors, the image of ancient ruins, and even the font style all work so well with one another. It really drew me in and made me excited to read more about your project. I read over your introduction, and it was amazing! It was a really creative way to express the goal of your project through a story itself. I also love how it’s historically accurate, as the Bactrian kingdom was the intersection between Greek and Hindu influences. Greek language influenced Sanskrit, for example. It’s one of my favorite historical facts since we learn about these developments separately, but I love that you expanded on this with a whole world of stories! Charan’s ambition and dedication to tell good stories is an important connection between both cultures, and the narrative style really kept me engaged. Overall, it was a great introduction! March 24, 2021 Reply Tyler S Erin!! I had to come back to see what you had written since your introduction, and wow I loved “Sita and Helen”! I love seeing strong female characters work together, and the way you drew parallels between the two females’ stories was amazing. I wish I could read more about these two women. I also loved how you connected this story to your introduction through the line at the top, below the title. I did have a few questions though. Why did Ravana and the Trojan forces start to work together? Was it just so you could bring Sita and Helen together, or are there other plans forcing the two armies together? Why would Helen never even try to escape, if she did not love Paris back? Besides those questions, I loved how you merged the Maya-Sita part from the Ramayana with potential interpretations of Helen’s story. I can’t wait to read the next one! March 28, 2021 Reply Isha Hi Erin! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your introduction and the first story about Sita and Helen. First off, what an amazing idea to combine the Indian epics with Ancient Greek stories. The layout of your storybook is very pleasing to look at, and it captures both the greek and Indian aspects very well. I absolutely love how you combined the characters into one story and made them all a part of the same timeline. Is there a language or culture barrier between the two worlds? I think it would be very interesting to read about how they interact with their differences as well. Overall, it seems like you put a lot of effort into your storybook and it has a ton of historically accurate points. I enjoy how Chatan is reenacting the stories, that is a nice touch. I look forward to reading more about Ancient Greece with Indian epics, great work! March 29, 2021 Reply Lydia Wilson Hi Erin, I think your concept for this storybook is so original and unique. I loved it! Blending different cultures and histories together to create a new story with different twists was such a cool idea. I really didn’t know what to expect when I opened your storybook, but as I read your introduction and got an idea of what your stories would be (and you confirmed my suspicions) I got so excited. Having your main character as a bard of sorts telling these stories, aspiring to be like the writers of these texts is a fun take on the storyteller/narrator route of these storybooks. Is Ancient Greece or Greek history something you are interested in? I would have loved to look into your sources and/or what inspired you to take this route, so have you considered including those inspirations at the bottom of your introduction as an author’s note or something? Another thing I found interesting was your character flip with Sita and Helen of Troy. I have always thought of Helen as bold and fearless while Sita is more soft-spoken and docile, so seeing Sita take initiative and Helen being unsure of the plans was unexpected, just like the rest of your story though. Unexpected is good! I like that you still brought the story back to the “present” by beginning and ending it with Charan, but I think it is worth considering breaking up the tales with commentary about what Charan is thinking or what is going on in the amphitheater. Excellent job though, keep up the good work! April 6, 2021 Reply Jana Hayes Hi Erin! I absolutely love your storybook so far. Like everyone else mentioned, I had no idea what to expect and was pleasantly surprised by your combination of Greek and Hindu stories/cultures in this storybook. The focus for feedback this week is images, and your storybook was definitely the perfect one for me to get assigned for this! Your website overall is stunning, with you using such a nice site designer as Wix. I can tell you put a lot of work into your site. The images themselves are perfect, I especially love the one that is on the home page. It is really eye-catching and when I first went to your site I just was thinking, wow, this is a great picture, I wonder what it symbolizes for this storybook. It got me curious from the get-go, and pushed me to start reading your introduction. Your writing so far is great, keep up the good work! April 8, 2021 Reply Savannah Wow Erin! I love the format of your website and how you chose to do WIX! I have used that platform for a lot of classes, and I have got to say it works very well with this story! I absolutely adore the aesthetic that you have chosen for your storybook! The image on the front page is absolutely beautiful and your description allows for me to understand what I am about to read! I love how your introduction feels like it is part of the story rather than explaining why you chose the topic and what you are going to be writing about, you have gone into the story immediately to allow for us to adjust to the setting and environment! I think your topic is so interesting because I had also noticed some parallels from greek and Indian mythology and I think its great that you have chosen to combine those together to show the similarities. I also like how you have a page dedicated to the comment wall so that it is easy to find and navigate to so we as readers don’t have to go back to the randomizer to find it! I like where you are going so far and I am excited to see which other stories you decide to compare. April 10, 2021 Reply Leave a Reply Cancel replyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.